Carved With guilt
by LadyPerfect
Summary: Dean is finally back , But he comes Back to see a different Sam , A broken tired one , Could he help him ? Wincest , Self-harm , Angst , Happy ending !


**Declare**: I don't own the show, I only own the story.

_"It's like I can't even feel after the way you touched me, I'm not asleep but I'm not awake after the way you loved me"_

Adam Lambert – Sleep walker

There _he_ sat on the old dust filled motel chair, **covering** his face

With his hands, tear's leaking through his tired **blood** covered _fingers_.

Sobbing loud enough to be heard a _mile_ away. Sam is _crying_ _his_ _heart_ _out_

"This isn't fair" **screamed** the young hunter to the _serine_

Darkness surrounding him, he tries to stand up desperately

Relaying on the closest chair arm for _support_, as he barley

Stands. Taking couple _**shaky**_ steps, slipping slowly

To lay on the ground next to his trust worthy sharp _**blade**_,

The only thing that's keeping his _company_. Lifting it from the

Dirty floor with his right hand, "Sorry" he _whispers_ to the

**Empty** air and with one _swift_ move he creates a slender long cut

Through his other arm. Adding a new _**reminder**_ of his long

Lived suffer to the other _cut's_, "I'm **sorry**, sorry, sorry" he

Repeats to the _**ghost**_ that's hunting him, the crimson colored

Liquid _flood's_ from the cut and suddenly, he feels the urge to do **more**. He had to _carve_ his arms with reminders.

Reminders for **what** _he is _and the damage **he** did.

"You'll never know what your **words** do to me" he shouts to the

**Shadow** in his head, a shadow he had to see every day.

This is _Lucifer's_ new form of torture. Repeating the heartless words

That had been said to him, and it never failed to _**break**_ him, it made him cry

And cringe in _pain_, pain that fills his heart mind and **soul**, if

His _own brother_ thinks he's a **monster**, and then what will other people think?

A low squeaking voice is heard from the back of the room

But Sam is too deep in his _unpleasing_ thoughts to notice anything around him.

"I'm back Sammy" Dean Say's **naïvely**, not knowing what's

Going on with his younger sibling, And still Sam is in his trance

Not having a clue that his brother is _finally_ **back**.

And the next thing Sam knows is his brother Fright-filled stare

, "Wait, This is _**really**_ him?" Sam whispers to himself.

"W-wait Dean, it's **not** what you think" rushes the youngest

One of the two saying, he knows that tears are _covering_ his face

, he knows the Dean noticed the **scars**, but _maybe_, perhaps

Dean won't say anything, and he realize it's a _false_ hope when

Sam watched as he started walking closer. "Why? "He hears him whisper

With a **broken** voice and sadness filled eyes. Eyes that once

Were cold **and** warm while they stared at him, "'Cuz I _deserve_ it"

Came Sam's reply with a _**shrug**_, it shocks Dean the way his

Brother says It, just like he's saying that **1+1=2**, "why?! Why you'd think that? "

The older one _try's_ to ask, he has to stay still, to **show** Sam

That he can _help_ him, "Cuz you _said so_" he feels the strong

_**Urge**_ to cry, to scream at his brother. He has a big mouth

And he always says **useless shit, **he didn't mean it, he _never_

Did mean anything he said, " I never meant that _Sammy_ " he try's

To _soothe_ his not-so-little-anymore brother, "I know" Sam`

Whispers back, "I'm sorry" Sam follow's his words with a **sob**

"It's okay, I'm here" Dean continue soothing his pained _little_ brother

Sitting next to Sam, _wrapping a strong arm around him_, and

His little brother can't help but lean into his touch, " P-promise me you'll **never** leave"

Sobs Sam with so much _desperation_ in his voice that make's his brother's

Stomach _twist_ into a knot, Dean is sitting next to someone deferent

Someone **broken**. "I promise .., 'nd you're hiding somethin' Sammy "

Sam cringes and moves _closer_ next to his brother and whispers

"I can't tell you D', you'll _**hate**_ me if I – " the young burrnet sentence

Was interrupted by his brother's _soft lips_ on his own,

Calming him with a soft, emotion filled **Longley** awaited kiss

, it Lasted couple of minute before Sam broke the kiss in need of air

And a proper explanation from his _beloved_ one, "W-what was that?"

Asks Sam clearly stunned, "it's called a _kiss_, and you don't

Have to hate yourself Sammy, hate _**me**_, you don't deserve

Being hurt in anyway " and with getting this off his chest he

Creases Sam's cheek and bends down for an another _breath taking_ kiss

This one lasted allot more than the last one, and this time Dean

Broke the kiss and let his brothers _tired_ head lay on his own chest

Sam closed his eyes, and left Dean to stitch him up, Curing _more_

Then the simple _wound_s on his arm, his brother just sued the

Sharp broken pieces of his heart _back together_, maybe helping

Him _**heal**_ the regret and hatred in him, though the only thing

That _matters_ now that Dean is here with him, to help him, be

There for him, and to **love him**... maybe it won't last _forever_

And maybe Dean has only three more months to **live,** he always

Knew it will _**never be perfect**_, but having his brother next to him

Is better than nothing,_ those were the younger hunter's last _

_Thoughts as he fell asleep on his true lover's chest, with tears _

_In his eyes, and a ghost of a smile on his lips_ _unshed_


End file.
